It's hard to deal with other people, especially family. It's especially difficult when you're trying to be positive, let go of the past, forgive yourself and other people and others just won't seem to let you do that. I know that I can only control myself. I know that other people are setting up their own vibration, their own mindset. If they want to be negative, if they want to hold on to the past, then I understand that is them. But when it's your son, a person you love with all your heart, it's hard to find peace and understanding.
I have made mistakes as a mother. Every parent feels that way at some point in their life. But all I can do is say I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and I am letting it go.
In reading early posts from Good Vibe Blog - I'm in summer 2007 now - it was said to write down a limiting belief. Then write three reasons why it's not true. Since I'd fought with my son the night before, my belief was this:
I'm a bad mother.
But it's not true because:
I love my son.
I have done my best to care for him and provide for him.
I have always encouraged him and said I loved him.
I understand he's going through a hard time right now. I understand he has his own healing to do from our divorce and reconciliation, dealing with his own desires and dreams. But while understanding that I also need respect from him. So that is what I want from this - respect.
So, also based on Good Vibe Blog, I am going to do a few things differently. First, I am going to forgive myself yet again. I am a good mother who loves her son.
Next, I am in the process of writing a pray rain journal about the situation. Jeannette of Good Vibe Blog has written a book about it, you can get it here.
A pray rain journal is just a small journal that you write in once a day about a particular situation. I'm keeping one for work and one for my son. Every day, I'm writing a page and talking about my son as if what I desire has already happened. I'm writing about him showing respect, helping around the house, taking responsibility, being a happy young man again. By the end of the journal you are supposed to see a change in your circumstances and what you want is supposed to have happened or is very close to happening.
And finally my husband and I are going to script our talking about our son. Instead of venting to each other, for the next month we are only going to be speaking postives, talking about the behavior we want to see as if it's already happened.
I am trusting God that he will help us deal constructively with the problem and that he will intervene in whatever way is needed for our son to begin his own healing process. And I pray this will bring us closer as a family.