Back in February, when everything exploded, I was only working part time and I was self employed completing transcription at home. I knew I could not make a living on what I was making. I had been looking for full time work since November 2010 and hadn't even had an interview. But I had to do something and soon.
My mother actually found the link to the organization. This was in February. I applied for a position and waited, all while applying for other positions. During this time I was experiencing what LOA teachers
call contrast. I knew what I didn't want and that was helping me know what I did want. So I prayed. I prayed for a full time job making X dollars an hour, 40 hours a week, benefits, etc. Based on contrast from my past, I knew I did not want retail. I did finally get an interview at Home Depot, but it was for a part-time cashier position. In order to take it, I would have had to keep my other part-time job as well, and it paid minimum wage. I didn't know how, but I had to hold out for that office job.
I continued to apply at every business and organization in my area. I applied for city jobs, county jobs, jobs at the local hospital. I had actually completely forgotten about this organization when they called to set up an interview - in April. I had to look up the website again to see what I had applied for. And I was very surprised when I went in for the interview and found out that what I had applied for was not what they wanted me for.I was interviewing for an administrative assistant job, not the job I had applied for.
Apparently my background in office work - even though I'd been self employed or worked for family for the past 10 years - impressed them. The current assistant was being promoted and they needed someone to replace her. I went to the office, I met the supervisor, I met the current assistant. I have no idea what they told
me during that meeting. I knew it was things I had never done as well as things I hadn't done in 10 years. I was full of doubt. Could I do this job? Based on all the LOA teachings that I've read in the past eight months I should not have been accepted. I constantly doubted my ability to do this job. But I persevered, pushed
through the doubt and took the job.
It was everything I'd asked for plus some. It was 40 hours, it was Monday - Friday, they offered benefits, the salary was .50 more than I'd wanted and they had a very generous vacation and sick leave package that started accruing immediately. I didn't have to wait a year to take vacation time or worry about getting sick or my son getting sick and having to be out. Another hindsight view from LOA as well - I'd actually called the place by mistake when applying for food stamps as the number is listed incorrectly online and with directory assistance. So a month before I'd actually talked to my future supervisor, in the office where we would work, and didn't even know it.
The day I got the call that I got the job I was with my ex husband. We were having lunch. I was glad he was with me. He'd wanted me to get a full time job for some time and part of my selfishness was in wanting to be self employed or working part time, allowing him to work the most hours and make the majority of the money. I was glad that he could see that I was not going to back away from my responsibilities.
All the way to work that afternoon, though, I cried. I cried for a future that was gone. The dream we'd had of building a house, buying some land in the country, being self supporting. The dream of the life we were going to build in a new place. All the hopes we'd had of starting over when we'd moved to Alabama the previous year. All of those were gone. And even though I was happy I'd gotten the job I was grieving because he wasn't there - not really - to celebrate the accomplishment with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment