Friday, October 28, 2011

Choosing to Love

By now I've been remarried to my sweetheart for a week. And I am reminded daily of how much I am blessed, of how much I came close to losing.

I don't want to focus on the bad. I don't want to focus on who did what to whom or who was hurt more. There is no room in my life for blame anymore. All I can do is accept responsibility for myself. All I can do is keep my ears open for God's words and His leading. All I can do is be a better person, a better wife, a better mother. All I can do is my best.

So once again I will write out a list of things I am thankful for. I will always be thankful for my family. I will never take my husband or son for granted. I am thankful my parents are still living. I am thankful for my grandparents. I am thankful for the people that stood beside us and believed that love could overcome anything. And I am happy. I am very, very happy that God used this time in my life to show me that I don't need to be afraid. There is nothing to be afraid of because he is there, and no matter what happens in my life, he will be there. He will never leave me, he will never let me down. He is there, and no matter what, it will be okay.

Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: "Is this the condition that I feared?" -- Seneca

I have been through that dark time, when I thought all was lost. When my world crashed, when I felt no one could ever love me, when I couldn't love myself. And God brought me through. And he showed me there was nothing to fear. And as he helped me learn to love myself, as he showed me that He loved me and always would, that was how I was finally able to love another. And that is what I will do.

I choose to love.

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