Monday, October 3, 2011

Backstory

Seven months ago my world turned upside down. My husband of almost 21 years left me Valentine's Day weekend, 2011. I spend the weekend crying. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I didn't see him until Monday night. By Thursday, he'd filed for divorce and we'd signed the papers by the following Monday.

I didn't know which way was up. I felt as though I'd been blindsided. I knew we were having trouble. I'd known since the fall of 2010. I had been ignoring things, not pushing too hard, keeping my worries to myself. I finally suggested we go to counseling. We didn't have a lot of money but our pastor recomended a counselor. We set up an appointment and she was willing to see us and we could pay her later. I thought we were starting to make some progress, but it was clear that something was going to break. After about four counseling visits my husband made the decision to leave.

Two days after we signed the papers I discovered he'd been having an affair. He denied it, even after I found records of phone calls and spoken to a friend of his that he had told me he'd been spending time with. I don't know how long it had been going on. His version is that it lasted three months and was over. I heard that it had been going on almost a year from someone else. I don't know. All I know is that I was hurt all over again. Even though the divorce was going through and papers were signed, I felt betrayed all over again.

I had felt strongly that God had been speaking to me for some time. He'd been trying to wake me up, doing his best to tell me that I needed to do some changing. But I was disobedient. I was downright rude to God. We had watched the movie Fireproof a few months before and God was telling me to buy the book, The Love Dare. I refused. I came up with excuses. We didn't have enough money. Why should I buy it? Why shouldn't he? But I felt I needed to do something, so I looked up online to see if anyone else was following the book and to see what the excercises were. After seeing some of them - greet your spouse every day. Ask your spouse how you can help him / her. Tell your spouse you love them. Buy your spouse something. Again the excuses came. He's the one doing x, y and z. Why should I change? I had become selfish, demanding, and a very ugly person. And I didn't even see it. By the time I did, it was too late.

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