Allowing Myself to be Me, Loving Myself Unconditionally

I'm going to be honest. I haven't dealt with my diagnosis well. I've cried about this, prayed with my husband over this. I cried about the loss of hope I felt in the belief that if I was really, really good with diet / exercise and reached my goal weight that MAYBE I would have great looking legs. I'd be able to wear boots and skirts and cute clothes and not be hot in the summer because I'm in jeans when everyone else is in shorts and capris. But today I'm angry. I'm fed up. And I'm free of the hate. My legs are my legs. I'm going to do my part to keep losing weight, but the hate for my legs, the envy I've had of other women who don't have this issue, the embarrassment I've felt over my legs, that's done. I refuse to believe that there isn't a cure for this. I wanted answers -- I got answers. But I don't have to believe the research that's available. There's actually very little research out there, since U.S. doctors have very little data on lipedema. So why should I believe there's no cure, or that I'm going to end up with little mobility as I age? I'm not going to believe it, because my body knows how to cure itself. My body was made perfectly, and it knows what to do. And I don't give a crap what anyone says or thinks about my legs anymore. Now, I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to buy short shorts and flaunt everything. But from this point forward I am going to be comfortable. I'm going to buy some wide legged capris, maybe even splurge on some linen slacks, buy some cute sandals, give myself a pedicure, and I'm going to be comfortable, dang it! I'm going to love my legs. I'm going to pamper them, use my good smelling lotion from Victoria's Secret, keep them shaved and smooth (yes, even in winter, ladies!) give myself a pedicure and paint my nails, use my good body wash. I'm going to love these legs and ask them to forgive me for the 20 years of hate I've felt for them. At this moment in time, I have my health. I have mobility. I am able to exercise, to walk, to run (a little, at least) and go and do and enjoy life. So I'm going to appreciate these legs for as long as they can hold me up. If I truly believe what I've said in the past about taking 100 percent responsibility for my life -- good and bad -- then that means that I have to take 100 percent responsibility for this body. My responsibility for this body is to care for it, love it unconditionally, even though it's only a temporary shell. I CHOSE this body, so I am choosing to care for this body from this moment forward. The Bible says my body is a temple, and I am going to treat it as such. Because I am beautiful, dang it, and I deserve to be healthy and well and whole -- legs and all.

You are So Beautiful

My husband and I left the pharmacy after picking up my medication,trying to deal with my diagnosis and what may / may not happen in the future. Just as we were leaving the store, this song began to play:

I couldn't keep it in any longer. By the time we reached his truck, I was in tears.

God is good. God is good all the time.

What Will I Believe?

I have lipedema.

I have a rare adipose disorder. This is a fat disorder that is genetic, affects women, has no cure, and many doctors aren't aware of it. It's typically misdiagnosed as lymphodema, which is what I believe my endocrinologist did. But I do believe I have lymphodema in addition to lipedema as one typically leads to the other. Other doctors just keep saying, "You're fat" and want you to diet and exercise and don't believe there could be another reason for large legs.

In a way this is a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because I have a name for what is wrong with me. I am not just "fat". There is treatment available.

The bad part is that there is no cure. It's been undiagnosed since I was a teenager. Treatment may not be covered by health insurance. Many doctors are unaware of this disease - and it is a disease. I will never have model skinny legs.

Or will I?

Will I believe a diagnosis with no hope of recovery or will I accept a future where I will eventually need a wheelchair or hovearound to get around?

Will I give up my desire to be able to wear normal clothes, like skirts and boots and shorts and capri pants?

At this moment I don't know.

Our World is Natural and Spritual

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net

Once a upon a time, there was a man and a woman who lived in a beautiful garden. They had everything they wanted -- food, companionship, purpose.

There were two trees in the garden. One was called the Tree of Life, one was called the Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil. Their father told them to only eat of the Tree of Life. In that way, they could stay in the garden, they could stay connected to Him.

This couple saw their garden in a unique way. They also saw their Father in a unique way. They walked with Him in their garden. They spoke with him and knew He answered them. They not only saw trees and flowers and grass in the garden. They saw Life.

Not an apple or a pear or an orange. They saw Life on the tree, and they were able eat it and touch it and be part of it.

Adam and Eve saw our world in both a physical and a spiritual way. We know what a tree looks like. We have them in our yards, our parks, our streets. But do we know what Life looks like?

When Moses saw the burning bush he saw what seemed to be fire, but it didn't act like fire. He called it fire because it was the only thing he knew to call it since he had only known the physical world.

What Adam and Eve could see, what Moses saw, was the spiritual part of our world. They saw into the Kingdom of God. Adam and Eve walked in God's kingdom. How shocked they must have been when they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and the world they'd known disappeared, when they could no longer see the spiritual world they'd come to know?

God's Kingdom is all around us. It's here, now. If all we're doing while here on earth is complaining about our struggles, waiting for the sweet by-and-by, then what is the point? God gave us Life for a reason. We have everything we need within us, right here, right now. As we go through Life we grow and mature and we're able to connect to the power that we forgot we had.

Open your eyes. See your world the way Adam and Eve saw Life on a tree, the way Moses saw fire that didn't burn, the way John the Baptist saw the Holy Spirit as a dove, the way the Apostles saw the Holy Spirit as tongues of fire, the way Jesus saw the sick healed.

You are more than you think you are.

What Gospel Did Jesus Teach?

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net

I am going to discuss something that is radical, amazing and thought-changing. Most likely you've never heard this before. I know that I hadn't, and it's an amazing way of looking at our world.

If you're a Christian you believe Jesus' death provided atonement for our sin. I'm not arguing the case of sin / no sin. That's for other LOA bloggers and speakers and coaches to discuss when it comes to religion. I am a Christian who uses Law of Attraction and my belief system, if you want to call it that, believes the basic tenets of Christianity. Those tenets include the Gospel of Atonement, so that is not the issue.

What I want you to think about, though, is what was Jesus teaching BEFORE his death? When he preached on the hillsides? When he healed the sick? When he walked through Galilee, gathering disciples and spreading his message?

What was his message?

Jesus came not because of our bad behavior but to show us how to connect with the Kingdom of God, our source of power, who makes us who we are.

I'll share it again.

Jesus came not because of our bad behavior but to show us how to connect with the Kingdom of God, our source of power, who makes us who we are.

Jesus was connected with God the Father during his time on earth, up until his death on the cross. After death, he reconnected with God the Father and the Kingdom, and he returned to his disciples to share even more about this truth with them --

As citizens of the Kingdom of God, we have access to the power of God the Father. When we are connected to God -- through praise and worship, prayer, scripture, being open to hearing his voice -- we can do all things.

Pretty cool, huh?

Law of Attraction Awareness - Progress

I've had a couple of my books out since February under my pen name but nothing has really happened with them. I've sold a few, but I knew I needed more exposure. So I set an intention and asked. Yes, I believe
intentions can be statements or questions. I asked - What do I need to do next in order to let people know my stories are out? Send me information.

Soon after asking that I got an email from an indie publishing mailing list I'm on, asking for subscribers to ask any question they have regarding writing, indie publishing and marketing. So I asked - with a limited amount of time to write & promote, what would be the best use of my time?

Her answer was reviews. I needed to get some reviews on blogs, on Amazon, on Barnes and Noble.

Okay, but I didn't know how to do that. No one that had bought the books had left a review.

But that day - yes, that day - as I was going through my Twitter feed I noticed all these retweets from fellow authors. They included various blogs where they or friends were being reviewed. So I bookmarked the sites as I could, went to them when I was able, and read over the blog and the review policies.

I have multiple blog sites now in favorites, I've requested reviews from seven of them, been accepted for two so far, accepted two guest post spots in August on one, and joined a blog hop for August / September.

I don't know yet how this will affect my sales or if it even will. But it continues to amaze me what happens when all we do is ask.

There is no coincidence.

Law of Attraction Awareness - Lost Keys, Money Comes, Refusing to Believe

We'd gone out the other night and took my husband's truck, leaving my car for our son to drive home from class. After we finished our meeting and got home, I realized my keys weren't in my purse. I searched everywhere, then we searched the truck. I thought I may have left them in the restroom at the building where we had our meeting. We had to call the person with the key to come back and open it. No keys. Before we left again, we prayed to find my keys.

My husband suggested checking the school where we left the car. We headed across town to the college and searched the parking lot where I'd left the car. Then we slowly drove out of the parking lot and up to the road. Just down the road he saw them. I don't know how, but he saw them lying near the gutter in the road. I'd apparently left them on the car instead of putting them in my purse. They'd been run over and were banged up, but they are working fine.

When working on our monthly budget we ended up with a shortage. I was feeling anxious, but my husband calmly stated our affirmation - Money comes to us from sources known and unknown. And we prayed over the budget and for needs and wants to be met.

And they have been, in many ways. Extra jobs, bills less than budgeted, overtime. It's all working out.

The next one is something we learned from the movie, What the Bleep. Our reality is based on perception. What we perceive and what someone else perceives is different. So when my husband's work told him a few weeks ago they were cutting his hours to 24 or less, we refused to believe it. He told them that he was hired for 25 hours (he's been working 30) and that's what he wanted. They said they would discuss it and let it drop. Since then, he's been going to work as if nothing has changed. We just refuse to believe the hours are being cut and assuming he'll be working the 30 hours he's been working for two months.

How are your manifestations / affirmations coming true?