I Abdicate Responsibility for Others' Lives

I was feeling frustrated yesterday evening. I got home from work, talking under my breath about my husband who wants to start a new business but isn't doing the work to move forward. My son who says he wants to join the military but isn't studying for the ASVAB like the recruiter said to do. I was feeling so much responsiblity to push them, to make them move, make them take a step forward. After all, I'm their support system, right? Isn't that my job as a wife and a mother?

Suddenly I found myself in the middle of the kitchen, supper simmering on the stove behind me, and I yelled out - I give up all responsiblity for others' lives! Do you hear me? I abdicate all responsibility. It's up to them to do the work, it's up to them to live their lives and make their choices. There's nothing I can help them with at this point. They have to take the next step themselves and I abdicate responsiblity!

I felt so much better after this outburst. I have no idea where it came from or what led me to do it. I just knew it felt right and I finished making supper and spent the rest of my evening working on MY work instead of trying to do their work.

Who are you trying to "make" move in a certain direction? Let it go, abdicate responsibility, let them work it out, and go about your day.

Allowing Myself to be Me, Loving Myself Unconditionally

I'm going to be honest. I haven't dealt with my diagnosis well. I've cried about this, prayed with my husband over this. I cried about the loss of hope I felt in the belief that if I was really, really good with diet / exercise and reached my goal weight that MAYBE I would have great looking legs. I'd be able to wear boots and skirts and cute clothes and not be hot in the summer because I'm in jeans when everyone else is in shorts and capris. But today I'm angry. I'm fed up. And I'm free of the hate. My legs are my legs. I'm going to do my part to keep losing weight, but the hate for my legs, the envy I've had of other women who don't have this issue, the embarrassment I've felt over my legs, that's done. I refuse to believe that there isn't a cure for this. I wanted answers -- I got answers. But I don't have to believe the research that's available. There's actually very little research out there, since U.S. doctors have very little data on lipedema. So why should I believe there's no cure, or that I'm going to end up with little mobility as I age? I'm not going to believe it, because my body knows how to cure itself. My body was made perfectly, and it knows what to do. And I don't give a crap what anyone says or thinks about my legs anymore. Now, I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to buy short shorts and flaunt everything. But from this point forward I am going to be comfortable. I'm going to buy some wide legged capris, maybe even splurge on some linen slacks, buy some cute sandals, give myself a pedicure, and I'm going to be comfortable, dang it! I'm going to love my legs. I'm going to pamper them, use my good smelling lotion from Victoria's Secret, keep them shaved and smooth (yes, even in winter, ladies!) give myself a pedicure and paint my nails, use my good body wash. I'm going to love these legs and ask them to forgive me for the 20 years of hate I've felt for them. At this moment in time, I have my health. I have mobility. I am able to exercise, to walk, to run (a little, at least) and go and do and enjoy life. So I'm going to appreciate these legs for as long as they can hold me up. If I truly believe what I've said in the past about taking 100 percent responsibility for my life -- good and bad -- then that means that I have to take 100 percent responsibility for this body. My responsibility for this body is to care for it, love it unconditionally, even though it's only a temporary shell. I CHOSE this body, so I am choosing to care for this body from this moment forward. The Bible says my body is a temple, and I am going to treat it as such. Because I am beautiful, dang it, and I deserve to be healthy and well and whole -- legs and all.

Is it your button to push?

When I started my job I wanted to please everyone. I tried very hard not to make mistakes and to do well. However, I apparently stepped on some toes with the training director. I had been starting the training videos for the new employees. My justification was the training director was often late, sometimes as much as an hour. So why should everyone wait on her to get there when they could be watching the video and starting on the test?

Well, her response was, "I got it." So I said fine. I then decided to do my part of the job, which was providing the training materials. If she was an hour late, it could no longer be my problem. It was hard for me to accept that, though. I didn't see the big deal. I mean, it was just pushing a button. But then my counselor asked me something - "Is it your button to push?"

How many of us keep thinking that we have to do everything? We have to keep up with a job, kids, housework, paying bills. But do we have to? Is everything truly "our button to push?"

Part of taking care of ourselves and finding our feel good is accepting that there are things we do well and things we most likely need to automate or let someone else take over. I have decided to do just that.

As much as possible, all finances will be automated. Within six months I'm planning that I will only need a cursory look to be sure things are on track. I'm splitting housework with my husband and son. We're all doing a share, not just me. We are also splitting up cooking dinner and arranging for at least one night to be a takeout night. I am using my crockpot more as well. Within the next year, I also plan to have a housekeeping service come in at least once a month, building it to twice monthly, and possibly having someone to do yard work next spring and summer.

Take care of yourself as much as possible and delegate what you can. Do what you do best and let other people push their own buttons.