I Abdicate Responsibility for Others' Lives

I was feeling frustrated yesterday evening. I got home from work, talking under my breath about my husband who wants to start a new business but isn't doing the work to move forward. My son who says he wants to join the military but isn't studying for the ASVAB like the recruiter said to do. I was feeling so much responsiblity to push them, to make them move, make them take a step forward. After all, I'm their support system, right? Isn't that my job as a wife and a mother?

Suddenly I found myself in the middle of the kitchen, supper simmering on the stove behind me, and I yelled out - I give up all responsiblity for others' lives! Do you hear me? I abdicate all responsibility. It's up to them to do the work, it's up to them to live their lives and make their choices. There's nothing I can help them with at this point. They have to take the next step themselves and I abdicate responsiblity!

I felt so much better after this outburst. I have no idea where it came from or what led me to do it. I just knew it felt right and I finished making supper and spent the rest of my evening working on MY work instead of trying to do their work.

Who are you trying to "make" move in a certain direction? Let it go, abdicate responsibility, let them work it out, and go about your day.

Discover Who You Are

Here is a wonderful excercise to help you discover - and remember - who you are.

Write down five things about yourself. BUT they cannot include anything regarding your work status - your job title, if you're a student, full time parent, etc.

Here are some hints for things to include:

Hobbies
Favorite things
Something unusual about yourself
That dream deep in yourself, the one you don't usually talk about

Here are mine:

I love science fiction movies / TV shows, like Star Trek TNG, Firefly, Doctor Who.
I am the oldest of four and the only girl.
I love pizza, especially spinach Alfredo.
I have lived abroad for a time and visited England for three weeks during college.
I want to have some experience of extended travel, maybe for 3-6 months out of the year and then have a home base to return to.

What is the purpose of this exercise?

To remind us that we are unique and special. We are not our jobs or the amount of money we make, the degree we have, "just" a parent or "just" a spouse or significant other. We were created to love pizza, science fiction, new experiences and cultures.

Honor these things about yourself. Take some time every day and do something that is uniquely you. Honor your authentic self.

Photo Post - 100 Percent Responsibility

Dreams coming true :)

There have been a few things I've wanted in my life. Since discovering Law of Attraction and positive thinking a year ago - and what a year! - I have come to believe that anything is truly possible.

These are the things I've wanted to do the most:

Publish a novel with Harlequin
Earn $100,000 year with nontraditional income
Long-term travel

I am on my way to publishing. I have my novel half done at 25K words. I will have it finished by the end of the month, then I'll have some beta readers go over it, do some edits, then have it ready for submission by August. I believe firmly that I will be accepted by Harlequin. I also have ideas for several more stories ready to go.

I believe I'm on the way to earning that $100,000 as well. I'm playing with what nontraditional types of income I can have in order to create that amount of annual income and this is what I've come up with:

Writing novels, publishing through traditional means or nontraditional means
Online income through advertising on this blog and my other website.
Life coaching. I have thought about this a lot for the past three months. I've been researching and we've found a training program.
Speaking fees. Once we become life coaches, we'll be able to travel and speak all over the United States.

Long term travel. It's looking like I'll get that wish soon as well in a few years. That will be shared in the next post as I believe I've manifested something I thought I'd had to give up / compromise on.

The point of this post is to continue to believe in yourself and your abilities, believe in your dreams. No matter what anyone says to you, never give up.

To Intend or Not to Intend - Are We Trying Too Hard?

There is so much sometimes to Law of Attraction. Even on this blog I talk about affirmations, prepaving your day, vision boards, positive thinking. But is it too much? How do we know?

We know when it becomes stressful. When you are planning your day and you worry if you'll find time to meditate or visualize your goals, or get upset that you didn't write in your gratitude journal or your pray rain journal or you forgot to prepave while in the shower this morning. If doing any of the processes becomes a chore then it's too much.

A process is just a process. That is all. Abraham Hicks says that the processes they give in Ask and It Is Given are to help us release resistance. That is all. The processes are not magical. They are to help us expect our manifestations. They are to help us stay positive and grateful and happy so that we can welcome the manifestation when it comes. If doing the process becomes a chore, then it adds resistance instead of taking it away.

Are you trying to handle too many processes? Are you always trying something new? Remember that it's not the process that matters. It's the feelings behind the process.

If you feel that you are too stressed out with whatever LoA processes you are doing, then stop. Just stop. Just enjoy your day. If you want to write in your journal, do it. If you want to meditate, then do it. But don't do it because you feel you have to in order to make LoA work. The Law of Attraction works no matter what you do. What is important is how you feel. So pamper yourself today and relax. Your desires are already known. Let yourself relax in expectation of receiving them now.

We Are Worthy

My son and I were talking this morning about the possibilities before us right now - new jobs, buying a house, replacing my car. And he mentioned that he would like a Corvette one day, if he "deserved" one.

I think it's sad that we have been conditioned to believe that it's wrong to want nice things or even luxurious things, like a fancy sports car or nice house. It's sad because God loves us and wants to give us not only what we need, but also what we want.

Matthew 7:11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

We are worthy, we are deserving, we are ENTITLED simply because we are children of God.

I heard a friend at church once say that she believed that government keeps people from earning a certain amount of money, that it was impossible to get above almost poverty level because "they" kept everyone at that level.

I used to believe that. Maybe you did too. But I hope you are waking up now. I hope you believe now, as I do, that YOU are in control of you. You are in control of your finances, your time, your life. No one
can keep you in bondage without your consent. If you find yourself struggling financially or in any other way, make a decision to break out of whatever rut you are in. Make a decision to change your life, then take inspired action.

If you are having issues with believing that you are worthy to have what you want, here is an exercise to help you stretch your belief.

Every day write the following in a notebook:

I am worthy to have nice things.
I am worthy to earn a comfortable living.

Then dream of whatever you want and write it as well.

I am worthy to (write your dream)

Continue as long as you need.

I am worthy of a nice home.
I am worthy of a loving partner.

Now let's change it a bit.

I deserve a nice home.
I deserve a loving partner.
I deserve to earn a comfortable living.

Keep going, saying I deserve. Because you do. Now, let's change it up a bit more.

I am entitled to a nice home.
I am entitled to a nice car.
I am entitled to a loving partner.
I am entitled to earn a comfortable living.

Keep going. I know it may feel strange to say these things because we have been told from the time we were young that we shouldn't want nice things, it was selfish of us to even ask for nice things. It's time to change that mindset and it's also time to change that mindset in our children. I don't believe that this type of mindset is going to spoil anyone. I believe that by accepting our self-worth and seeing ourselves as worthy of our dreams, seeing ourselves the way God sees us, is the least spoiling thing we can do for us, our families and our communities.

These exercises have helped me learn and grow so much in such a short time. I hope they help you as well.

**Added 2/9/12 Deliberate Blog has posted on this issue too - Deliberate Blog: A Sense of Entitlement. 

Book - The Pledge - Your Master Plan for an Abundant Life

As part of a private work project I was able to read The Pledge - Your Master Plan for an Abundant Life, by Michael Masterson, and take some notes on it. At first, reading the title, I thought, Oh, this is going to be a very interesting book to read, can't wait to see his method of using Law of Attraction. I guess I've become so used to LOA being in pretty much anything I read or watch or even do. I've even dreamed of TV shows I watch using intentions and other aspects of the Law of Attraction in their stories.

The book is not even close to being a Law of Attraction book. And that is fine. It doesn't have to be. But it's not the right book for me.

Masterson basically wants you to break your goals into down, starting at a big goal seven years out. Then you break it down into annual goals, monthly objectives and tasks. Basically the tasks you do today will support your monthly objectives which supports your annual goals which support your seven-year goal.

The book recommends writing down your goals and creating a plan. The plan includes getting up early - 4:30 or 5:00 am was highly recommended, eating right, minimizing distractions in your work day, and planning the work you will do and the work you will delegate.

There is nothing wrong with any of that. Think and Grow Rich recommended setting a goal or having a desire you wanted to reach. However, there was a lot in The Pledge that just didn't appeal to me. I guess I should say - the new me.

The old me, prior to learning about the Law of Attraction, would be all over this book. I would have a notebook already filled with my goals and objectives and tasks. But I no longer believe I have to do any of that stuff to make my dreams come true.

Do I believe in taking action? Yes, I do. But I believe more in inspired action.

I know that sounds funny. If my ultimate desire (re: Think and Grow Rich) is to be a writer (specifically a romance writer published with Harlequin), how will I sell anything if all I do is "wait" to be inspired?

Well, when I am inspired I don't wait. I have learned not to question those flashes of inspiration. The first short story I sold was inspired. I wrote it in two hours. Another short story I have finished was inspired by a dream that I had. I wrote it in two hours as well. I have submitted it, but it was rejected. However, that is only the opinion of one publication. There are more out there and there are other options for me. I know it's a good story, I have faith in that, and I am not giving up on it. I fully believe it was inspired.

Masterson states that positive thinking doesn't work for 90 percent of the people who practice it. I would be interested to know how he got that number. I would be interested to know why he believes that.

I believe it's because Masterson is looking for a specific outcome. He wants to help people become rich. That is a worthwhile goal. Napoleon Hill and many other writers wanted the same thing. However, one thing I have learned is that most people who practice positive thinking, affirmations, the Law of Attraction -- it comes to the point where they don't necessarily care about material wealth. That may have been a focus at the beginning of the journey, but not always.

For me, positive thinking was a way to help me feel better, to help me become a better person. I believe that I am doing that, I have done that. So in my case, because I am not wealthy by Masterson's standards, have I failed?

Besides, you could say I've even accomplished my desire - to be a published writer. After all, my story was sold and will be published. So I can say, with all fact and truth, I am a published writer. 

To illustrate this further, think about a competition, like the Olympics. There is one gold medal and many competitors. Only one person can bring home the gold medal. But that may not truly matter to every person in the competition.

One person wants to win the gold.
One person wants to place in the top three.
One person is just thrilled to be in the Olympics.

This is part of the Law of Attraction. In this way, everyone can have their way. We live in an AND world, not an EITHER / OR world.

We can have our cake and eat it too.
We can have chocolate and lose weight.
We can earn money doing something we love.
We can goof off and still make a living.

That is what I believe.

Look at competitions such as American Idol. I have never watched one episode of American Idol, but I am familiar with some of the winners. I am also familiar with some of the losers, such as Kellie Pickler. I had no idea she'd even been a contestant on the show. I believe that for many of the competitors on American Idol their goal was not to win the title but to have a career in music. And that is what happened. They did not fail by losing the competition. They reached their goal in a different way.

And as I neared the end of the book, Masterson says this:

"Every idea, strategy and technique I shared with you has been proven repeatedly through my personal experience. I know it works, because it worked for me."

And that is the clincher. It worked for him because he BELIEVED that it would. Masterson shares how all of this started as he graduated high school and was basically told that he wouldn't amount to anything. He chose at that moment to not believe that assessment of his high school guidance counselor. He took INSPIRED action to turn his life around. In  my opinion, that is LOA in action.

So if Michael Masterson believes that you have to write out seven year goals, annual goals, monthly objectives and daily tasks in order to succeed, then that is what his reality will be -- because he BELIEVES it to be that way. 

Personally, I feel that it's a lot of work. I don't want to do all of that work anymore. I don't want to live by goals and checklists and forms and worry about accomplishing my goals. 

So how am I going to finish a book to submit to Harlequin within the next six months (my New Year's / solstice resolution) without following checklists and goals and daily word counts and worrying if the story is good enough for them to buy?

Well, I may not. By July I may only have 25,000 words instead of 50,000. But that's okay. 

I may end up writing a few more short stories instead, selling them or publishing them on my own. And that's okay. 

I like to keep a word count of 1000 words a day, five days a week. It's doable for me. If I want to do more, I will. If I choose to do less, I will. And it's okay. 

And worry if the story is good? Well, good for whom? Harlequin editors? Romance novel readers? I can't think about them right now. The story's not even written yet, so who cares? Besides, I believe it's a good story. My only job is to get it on paper. That's all. I give myself permission to write poorly. I give myself permission to want to stop and start over. But I will continue and I will press forward until I finish. 

And however it ends up, that's okay. 

Michael Masterson may disagree, but that's okay too.

Games to play for the new year, new month

Affirmations are one of my favorite things to do, so I am always up for a new way to play the affirmation game.

I read of one person on Good Vibe Blog that does a new moon wish list. It's just basically a list of things she wanted to manifest over the next month. Here's how it works.

On the new moon, write out a short list of things you want to manifest over the next month. Put down whatever you want. I like to look at my "big" dream list, the one my husband and I created together, and pick
out a few things.

Some things to remember - we don't hold an attachment to the outcome of those things. These are things we'd just like to see happen but if they happen this month or next month, it's okay. The game just helps us focus a little bit and maybe notice a bit more of what is happening around us, what we are manifesting around
us.

The next game I read about in Abraham Hicks' book Ask and it is Given.

At the end of the year write a letter to yourself. Date it for one year from today. Write the letter talking about all the wonderful things that have happened and write them as if they have already happened. Seal it up and address it to yourself. Put it in a safe place where it won't be lost.

In December of next year, mail the letter to yourself. Don't open it and save a stamp. There's just something about recieving the letter in the mailbox. You'll be ready to open that letter and there will be this wonderful feeling of anticipation around it. Open it and read it. And you will see what has happened in your life over the past year. You'll see things that have manifested that you forgot you even asked for.

Alternative to this game - use the website Futureme.org.  You can write yourself an email and it will be delivered to you on the day that you choose. Be sure to use an email address that you'll be checking in a year. I've already written my letter out longhand, but I'll be using the electronic version next year.

These are two wonderful manifesting games you can play, right here, right now, as we head into a new month and a new year. It's the perfect time to start building your new life.

Have a Happy New Year!

Is it your button to push?

When I started my job I wanted to please everyone. I tried very hard not to make mistakes and to do well. However, I apparently stepped on some toes with the training director. I had been starting the training videos for the new employees. My justification was the training director was often late, sometimes as much as an hour. So why should everyone wait on her to get there when they could be watching the video and starting on the test?

Well, her response was, "I got it." So I said fine. I then decided to do my part of the job, which was providing the training materials. If she was an hour late, it could no longer be my problem. It was hard for me to accept that, though. I didn't see the big deal. I mean, it was just pushing a button. But then my counselor asked me something - "Is it your button to push?"

How many of us keep thinking that we have to do everything? We have to keep up with a job, kids, housework, paying bills. But do we have to? Is everything truly "our button to push?"

Part of taking care of ourselves and finding our feel good is accepting that there are things we do well and things we most likely need to automate or let someone else take over. I have decided to do just that.

As much as possible, all finances will be automated. Within six months I'm planning that I will only need a cursory look to be sure things are on track. I'm splitting housework with my husband and son. We're all doing a share, not just me. We are also splitting up cooking dinner and arranging for at least one night to be a takeout night. I am using my crockpot more as well. Within the next year, I also plan to have a housekeeping service come in at least once a month, building it to twice monthly, and possibly having someone to do yard work next spring and summer.

Take care of yourself as much as possible and delegate what you can. Do what you do best and let other people push their own buttons.

Segment Intending, prepaving your day

I have been trying to prepave or do segment intending for some time. I don't always do it the way I feel I should. According to The Law of Attraction by Abraham Hicks segment intending is making affirmations or intentions throughout your day. For example, getting ready for work is a segment. Leaving for work and driving is a segment. Getting to work is a segment. Answering a phone call & ending a phone call is a segment. Lunch is a segment. Leaving work is a segment. Getting started on dinner for your family is a segment. Going to bed is a segment.

Well, I don't have the time or energy or even the memory to segment each time. And I have yet to figure out how to segment a phone call when I don't know one is about to come in. But I have done segment intending
on a smaller scale and I always try to prepave my day. On days I forget, it seems more things go wrong. I start the prepaving the night before. I use this affirmation:

I intend to sleep well and rest well. I will wake on time, feeling refreshed. If I have any dreams, I will remember what I need to remember from those dreams when I wake. Thank you for a restful sleep.

In the morning while getting ready for work, usually in the shower, I will begin to segment my day. Sometimes I don't do this until I actually get to work, but I like to start early.

Affirmation:
I intend to have a good day. It will be steadily busy. I will have plenty of projects to complete. I will be surrounded by people with good attitudes. I intend that J (supervisor) will do her work and allow me to do my work. The day will pass quickly and I will feel a sense of accomplishment about the work I have done.

I have put the part in about my supervisor because she tends to like to hang over my shoulder. Since I've started saying this, many things have happened at work that has helped the day go smoother.

• My supervisor has started leaving the office to work in other areas of the building.
• I stood my ground regarding a process that I was in charge of. She wanted it done a certain way and I held out that my way was easier and more efficient. Upon discussion with another supervisor whose work overlapped this process, my way was chosen. I did segment intend for this particular meeting to go in my favor.
• I have been given more responsibilities.
• The day goes by quickly. Sometimes the day is over before I realize it.
• Whenever I finished my typical assigned duties, there is always another project waiting to be done. Sometimes this happens within minutes of finishing my typical work load.

On days I forget to prepave or segment intend, it seems the days go slower. No new projects come up and I am trying to find things to do to fill my work day. I feel more tired as the day goes on, constantly getting coffee or wanting to eat junk food instead of drinking my water and eating the lunch I brought from home.
You may not be able to prepave or segment intend every minute of your day, but you can do affirmations each night and morning.

If you know a big meeting is coming up, an affirmation for it. Remember
to detail what you want the outcome to be in that meeting and any other particulars. Do this at least a few days ahead if possible. Segment intending can make a big difference in your day.

Positive Thinking and Attitude for LOA success

In a lot of my research and reading about The Law of Attraction it seems that many people immediately latch on to things like what can I get? How much money can I receive? What material goods can I latch onto? Can I win the lottery? Can I win a contest? Can I hit it big in Vegas?

But I never really thought of any of those things. And it seems that now as I'm starting to live the wonderful, beautiful, abundant and creative life that I want the less material things I desire.I believe this is because I studied positive thinking before law of attraction.

I didn't start out to do this on purpose. Reading The Love Dare and drastically changed me. I didn't do it, consciously, from a desire to win my husband back. I wanted to do it because I wanted to obey God. I believe I was told to read the book and I did not. So that was my first step to obedience. And even without my husband at home during that time, I learned a lot about myself and my attitude. I did not like the person I was. So my first step was to confess to God and admit to myself that I was not the kind and generous person I believed myself to be. I accepted my responsibility in how my life had turned out and in doing so found a way to healing. I had to forgive myself and accept, in faith, that I am a person of value. Knowing that God loves me, God is with me and that he loves me unconditionally was a strong part of that process. Knowing that even today is still a big part of me, even after discovering information about the law of attraction. Having material things and wealth just doesn't matter - not without love.

1 Corinthians 13

¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.  ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(From Biblegateway.com)

Everything else is going to go away. But love will remain. No one is going to remember how much material things you had. But they will remember your kindness, your graciousness. They will remember what you did with your money. Were you a good steward of all you had been given?

But I would not even have this love, this feeling of peace, without starting my journey with The Love Dare and the positive thinking books I read. I knew that by healing my mind I could begin to heal my life. You cannot manifest change if it feels bad. And if you're coming from a place of greed or hate then you are going to continue manifesting those feelings.

That is why I believe many facets of the law of attraction have come easily. That is why my marriage has been able to heal. It's because all of this has been built on a foundation of positive change, positive love, and most important, faith. I had faith in God that He was there, he is here now, that he loved me and cared for me. Without that foundation I would not be who I am today.

I could have gone another path. I could have chosen to hate. I could have chosen to continue to be a victim. I could have sat at home crying and yelling and cursing my husband and the situation. I could have laid all the blame on him. But I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be a different person. I wanted to learn about myself. I didn't need to know why. I still don't. I just knew there were things to learn. And God is still teaching me those things today.

There are material things I want, things I desire. But more than riches, more than things, more than anything in the world, I want to live a wonderful, happy, abundant and creative life. And I want to live that life with people who are important to me. Thankfully, God has shown me how to do that by using the law of attraction and other universal laws that are in place. And I have been blessed.

Change your story

Everyone has a story. Usually it's about something that happened to you. You're the victim in the story. Someone did you wrong. Someone lied. Someone cheated you. Someone hurt you.

How many times have you told that story? Why do you want to share it? What are you getting out of it? There is always a personal reason that people tell a story. You may want sympathy or understanding. It may be the "one up" game. A friend tells you their story and you feel you have to top it. It goes like this:

"And that's what happened and I hate X and Y!"
"Well, that's nothing. This is what happened to me."

If you want to change your life and your attitudes, you have to change your story.

Refuse to tell it anymore. It's no longer a part of you. It's not going to define you anymore. You will no longer be a victim. Life will not happen TO you because you are going to make different things happen from now on.

A hard thing to accept is that what happens in life has been brought on by us. Our actions, our decisions, our attitudes -- all of that has brought you to the life you currently live. And that is hard to accept. But in accepting it, you can forgive yourself and come to love yourself again. It is very hard to actually forgive ourselves and love ourselves. It's actually easier to love another person and forgive another person than to do the same for ourselves.

That is why the backstory on this blog will be the ONLY time I'll be telling that story. Because that is not my story anymore. I am not a victim. I participate in my life. I create my life. No one does anything TO me. I attract people into my life that I want to be there. People to teach me something. People to care about me and for me to care about. You can do the same.

So stop telling your story. Don't even tell stories about bad customer service or travel delays or any other problem in your life. Don't give it energy. For example, if you have bad service at a restaurant and you tell your friends, your family, you post it on Facebook and Twitter and you keep bringing it up over and over again then you're not going to ever get good service at a restaurant. Stop the story. Change the energy.

Refuse to label yourself. Tell a new story. Talk about the great things in your life. Change your attitude to one of gratitude. As you tell a new story about the wonderful things in your life you will find that things will change. Good things will happen. By doing these things, you will find that no one will even bring up your past story because you will be a different person.

Affirmation:
I am a valuable, worthwhile, and special person.
I deserve to be loved and valued.
I attract positive, happy, energetic people to surround me.
I am thankful for my life, my job, my family, my pets -- continue as needed.

Now start living your new story. 

It's all going to be okay.

It is very hard when people you love are going through hard things. It's hard when you are going through the same things but trying to stay positive. It's hard to look for what feels good when so much is unknown and it seems as if things are out of control.

But as I learn more about LOA and deliberate creation I know that there truly is nothing out of my control. Maybe things don't go as planned. Maybe a water pipe bursts. Maybe a car accident. Maybe an unexpected medical diagnosis. But all of these things are still within our control because WE can control our reactions to them.

Are we going to sit and fume and worry and get upset or are we going to do what we can, and doing all, be still?

When someone we love and care about, whether they are a family member or dear friend, keeps wanting to stay in that place where they sit and fume and worry then we have to care for ourselves. There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need to step away and do what feels good before we end up in that same funky space.

This is where you let them stay in their funk and you CHOOSE to leave that vibration. Do what you can for them, but there has to come a time when you step away, just for a moment, and CHOOSE to find your feel
good.

You are not responsible for another person's health and happiness. It doesn't mean leaving for good. It doesn't mean a divorce or never speaking to someone again or ending a friendship. It just means respecting your space. Find your feel good, get back into our alignment and know that everything is going to be okay.
No matter what the issue is -- It's going to be okay.

Believe that.