You are So Beautiful

My husband and I left the pharmacy after picking up my medication,trying to deal with my diagnosis and what may / may not happen in the future. Just as we were leaving the store, this song began to play:

I couldn't keep it in any longer. By the time we reached his truck, I was in tears.

God is good. God is good all the time.

Releasing the Outcome

Never be too hasty with a decision. Remember that we are creating our lives, and sometimes when we say we want something, and we get it, it may come in a completely different package than we expected originally. That is why we should always be open and willing to see things come in a different way. If we stay attached to how we think things SHOULD happen, then we'll be disappointed over and over again.

We've all heard the joke about the man in the flood. He is sitting on the roof of his house, surrounded by water. He prays to God to save him. Soon a man in a rowboat comes by and offers to help him down. The man says, "No, God will save me." An hour later a family in a motorboat comes by and offers to help him, but he again turns them down, saying that God will save him. Then an hour later a man in a canoe comes by, and he gets the same story. As he's left alone again, the man looks up to God. "God, why haven't you saved me?" And he hears a voice from heaven - I sent a rowboat, a powerboat and a canoe. What more do you want from me?

Our lesson here is that sometimes what we think we need to happen a certain way doesn't need to be that way. Apparently the stranded man was wanting a supernatural rescue. When the rescue came in a perfectly normal way, he questioned that it could be of God. But God sends people to us when we need them. Everyone in our life, every experience in our life, is there for a reason.

So the next time you are wanting something to happen, release yourself from the need to have it happen a certain way or be in a certain place. Stay open, stay watchful, and when the time comes and the answer is in front of you, don't turn away from it because it's not what you envisioned.

Photo Post - You Are As Close to God as You Want To Be

Blessings - Laura Story - Postive Music

This is another beautiful song I've heard recently.

I know that as deliberate creators and practitioners of LOA, we sometimes believe that now our life is supposed to be everything we want it to be. It's going to be wonderful and amazing and marvelous. But remember that if we believe that we must believe that we create EVERYTHING in our life. We may define something as bad, and it may hurt us to go through it, but somewhere along the way we realize that without that moment, without those tears and hurt and pain, we would not be the people we are now. Without the trials, without the contrast, we are not growing. Be thankful for everything, even the difficulties of life, and welcome the growth that comes from them.



The story behind the song:

You Are Loved - Photo Post

Choosing to Love

By now I've been remarried to my sweetheart for a week. And I am reminded daily of how much I am blessed, of how much I came close to losing.

I don't want to focus on the bad. I don't want to focus on who did what to whom or who was hurt more. There is no room in my life for blame anymore. All I can do is accept responsibility for myself. All I can do is keep my ears open for God's words and His leading. All I can do is be a better person, a better wife, a better mother. All I can do is my best.

So once again I will write out a list of things I am thankful for. I will always be thankful for my family. I will never take my husband or son for granted. I am thankful my parents are still living. I am thankful for my grandparents. I am thankful for the people that stood beside us and believed that love could overcome anything. And I am happy. I am very, very happy that God used this time in my life to show me that I don't need to be afraid. There is nothing to be afraid of because he is there, and no matter what happens in my life, he will be there. He will never leave me, he will never let me down. He is there, and no matter what, it will be okay.

Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: "Is this the condition that I feared?" -- Seneca

I have been through that dark time, when I thought all was lost. When my world crashed, when I felt no one could ever love me, when I couldn't love myself. And God brought me through. And he showed me there was nothing to fear. And as he helped me learn to love myself, as he showed me that He loved me and always would, that was how I was finally able to love another. And that is what I will do.

I choose to love.

Backstory - Journey Begins

I've shared how I started out with discovering self forgiveness through the book The Love Dare. I also was reading my Bible. Psalms is where everyone needs to go when their world turns upside down. I was
praying constantly, journaling, looking for full time work. But little by little that despair began to dissipate.

It didn't go away overnight. No, there were still crying jags, there were still 3am phone calls to my mom. But as I started to think about how to rebuild my life there were times I knew something was happening. It all started with forgiving myself. Then I reached out to those I had hurt. I apologized where appropriate. I prayed for a lot of things.  Some things I probably shouldn't have prayed for, but when you are moving up and down the emotional scale from despair to anger you pray for some things out of anger. But I know that God knew my heart. And he continued to speak to me during this time.

This was also a time of turmoil for our teenage son. Every time I would see my ex husband or speak to him on the phone I would start crying. I was also dumping frustration, fear and anger on my son. So he told me in April that he was going to spend the summer with my family instead of staying with me. I can't say I blamed him. He needed the break from me and his dad. He left in April to stay with my family an hour and a half away.

During this time my ex and I were talking. The talks were sometimes good, sometimes bad. Even if not a fight, just spending time together was difficult. We had made plans to see certain movies together and it felt just wrong to see them apart. We had always done things as a family. And, yes, there was still a physical aspect to our relationship. But it hurt too much each time we saw each other. I know it hurt me a lot. It felt as though my heart were breaking every time we saw each other, every time I visited his apartment, every time we would do something and then go our separate ways. But every time I did that I believe I did get a little stronger. I was experiencing what LOA teachers call contrast. I was learning what I didn't want and it helped me clarify what I did want.

I did have to stop reading The Love Dare. It got to the point where it hurt too much to continue and I wasn't able to do all the exercises. But I did continue making amends where appropriate and I wanted to think more positively. I wanted to put my energy into something for me, something to help me continue to grow and change. I wanted to be a better person, not because I thought it would help me win back my husband, but because I knew I didn't want to be the woman I'd been for so many years.

I was feeling differently than I'd felt in the past. I had always said that if my husband left me, if we divorced, that I didn't believe I could make it. It would hurt too much. Well, it did hurt. But I was surviving. Not only surviving, but making it through. And if I could survive the loss of a 20 year marriage, what was there to be afraid of? So I continued my learning and growing, reading After the Locusts and Why You Do the Things You Do, sent to me by a friend who'd also gone through a divorce some years back.

Then I decided to finally read Think and Grow Rich. I'd had a copy of the ebook for a while as well as a hard copy of various essays written by Napoleon Hill and his partner, W. Clement Stone. It was also during this time that LOA entered my life, although I had no idea there was a name for it. Some call it the Universe or a Higher Power. But I knew it was God answering my prayers. I believe that this is how God works in my life, in all our lives. He works through the Law of Attraction.